


Una cura de humildad en un cenicero

by NaGaKi108



Category: Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Aggression, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Frustration, M/M, Roman centric, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 02:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaGaKi108/pseuds/NaGaKi108
Summary: [A cure of humility on an ashtray]He could feel the desperation and rage coursing through him in slow all-consuming waves. He wanted to punch something, someone, whatever came by first. He settled with slamming a fist against his forearm.Roman wasn’t ready to stare at the dragon in the room. He wasn’t brave enough.





	Una cura de humildad en un cenicero

**Author's Note:**

> some self-indulging Roman with anger management issues and an unfulfilling relationship with Logan.  
> No backstory for this, just directly into Roman's man-pain

Roman threw away the tablet in a fit of rage, holding his hair in a desperate grip and clenching his teeth until he could feel his jaw hurt.

He could feel the desperation and rage coursing through him in slow all-consuming waves that left him shaking while his whole body went into a lockdown of self-control. He wasn’t sure what would happen if that delicate and fragile control he had over himself went to shatter.

He wanted to punch something, someone, whatever came by first. He settled with slamming a fist against his forearm and delighting himself on the tingling feeling his whole arm received after the punch had connected.

The feeling went away after a few seconds leaving him drained and feeling worse. It made a dry bark of laughter escape his throat with the disturbing amount of sense that it made.

Whatever made him feel better for a few seconds had the added “benefit” of ruining him later on, he just wanted to refuse the reality that  _that_  painted.

He could feel the hours ticking by, after having run away from Logan and their unavoidable argument he had escaped like a coward and now he knew he wasn’t going to be well received back there with him. It was obvious after all, with their relationship falling apart at the seams. All the things that made them love each other were now making them despise the other with every ounce of their beings and Roman wasn’t ready to stare at the dragon in the room. He wasn’t brave enough.

He had been feeling that way for months now, unconnected with the one he used to call his beloved, angry and frustrated because Logan refused to understand a point Roman didn’t make any effort into making.

He had been scared and refusing to talk about things that he thought were obvious, but that’s where their differences made themselves known.

With the thoughts plaguing his mind he slammed his fist against the wall, time and time again until the blood started dripping from the wall and from his knuckles.

He stared at it with a morbid fascination and wonderment, his fist numb after meeting with the textured wall over and over again and a heavy feeling in his chest threatening to consume him.

A small part of his brain wondered if Logan was going through the same, but at the same time, he knew Logan was incredibly inclined to rationalize his feelings while Roman was constantly inclined to deny his feelings or push them away. He had loved that once upon a time, but now it just made him angrier.

Roman knew, in that part of his brain that he refused to acknowledge, that he needed to break up with Logan before both ended up hating the other. But there was the bigger part of his brain - _the part that refused to see the ending of something he had promised as **forever**  _\- that made him escape from arguments and fold back his ideas. The part that made him pretend to everyone that he was happy, that he was strong, and that he could and would deal with everything in his own way. The part of himself that Roman couldn’t help but hate.

With a groan he threw himself back in the bed, covering the major part of his face with a pillow and begging the day to just start already so he could move on. The clock was glaring at him from the top of the bed, screaming with its fluorescent lights that it already was 4 am and he should either go to bed once and for all or get up and moving to kick-start the day.  
He sighed instead, forcing his eyes closed and refusing to focus on the constantly vibrating phone on his nightstand.

He would ignore it, he decided, after all denial was a great place for vacation this time of the year.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on Tumblr!  
> https://analogically-prinxiety.tumblr.com  
> [Also, I'm NOT sorry]


End file.
